“Excuse Me, Does This Cake Make My Ass Look Big?” Guest Post by Author Dianne Sweeney

About Dianne Sweeney

Dianne Sweeney is the average, thirty-something, working woman of today–sometimes sarcastic, sometimes too honest for her own good–but she does tell it like it is. Professionally, she’s set. Friends–she has plenty. But love…well, isn’t that what we’re all looking for? Dianne resides in San Jose, California with her favorite cat, Scout.

You can visit Dianne at http://www.diannesweeney.com.

Excuse me, Does This Cake Make My Ass Look Big?

I have a question. How many times have you walked by a mirrored window and glanced at your reflection and cringed? The other day, I was walking around Campbell, and I happened to turn and look at my reflection in the mirror. Suddenly, I was annoyed. Why was a huge person following me so closely. Back up, buddy. Give me some room. However, he was right on my heels. Finally, I stopped and whipped around, but there was nobody there. I looked back in the mirror and did a double take. There was never anybody following me. It was me. Holy Cow! How long has my backside been trailing behind me like a 320-pound linebacker?

I grimace as I write this …which actually gets me thinking of Grimace the big purple looking creature in the McDonald’s commercials. What was he? Wasn’t he Ronald McDonald’s best friend? Was he Barney for the 80’s brat pack? Didn’t he represent milkshakes? Yum. Milkshakes. ARGH. Food. Food. Food. That is all I ever think about. Do you know how many times I have been to Weight Watchers? Probably more times than I have been on dates. It stops, today. I am going to begin my diet for the 1,345th time. I am going to join an online Weight Watchers group, and I am taking a few of my friends along for the ride. Wanna join in on the fun? We can lose weight together.

Now, where did I put those articles I just got from my US Weekly? Ah, yes, here they are—I just clipped 2 articles from a current magazine. One is a diet guaranteed to drop 10 pounds off my body in a weekend. The other is a recipe for a 6 minute pecan fudge cake. Who says we can’t have our cake and eat it, too?

Kissing Frogs in Cyberspace by Dianne Sweeney (click on cover to purchase at Amazon)

About Kissing Frogs in Cyberspace

In today’s age of virtual “hook-ups” and online encounters, it is no surprise that there are thousands of websites devoted to Internet dating.

Told in a series of vignettes, Kissing Frogs in Cyberspace, Dianne Sweeney’s revealing account of dating in the 21st century takes you on a hilarious, often poignant journey of online dates, dumps, and disasters. As she discovers the world of Internet dating is blessed by those seeking true love and plagued by those just “seeking.” Kissing Frogs in Cyberspace uncovers the reality of online dating-its pleasures, its horrors, and all the quirky stuff in between.

Read what critics say about Kissing Frogs in Cyberspace

This is a honest, funny, witty, and charmingly written book!! It’s one that you will not want to put down! In addition to the authors commentary and perspective of things, it includes the emails and instant messages that were sent back and forth from the author and her potential “princes”. I found myself laughing out loud for much of the book. Don’t miss out on this one!!
Vanessa – Amazon

This book was recommended to me by a friend who insisted that I read it. Oh my god! This is not a book to read on the bus unless you want to look like a crazy person!! I was laughing so hard out loud that the entire bus was staring! Not only is it a riot, but it is definitely easy for a man to relate to. I have already told my cube-mates at work to read it. Nice work Sweeney!
Miles Hansen